30 books, 50 movies, and 100 pages later. 1 Year In.

By 1 year in, I mean I have been living in Senegal for over a year now. This is not necessarily one year that I have been sworn into the Peace Corps, that comes August 10^th. How did this happen!? I remember my post after I was one MONTH in. My, time sure flies when you're having fun.... or also when you're not. My one year anniversary of living in Senegal just so happens to fall shortly after I had been vacationing in the states for about three weeks. I was originally supposed to go for under two weeks but then there was a death in my family so I was able to get my trip extended. Cancer finally won the battle against my sweet uncle Norbert. The void that has been left in our family is unexplainable but at least we can all find peace in the fact that his suffering is finally over.

Other than the obvious unfortunate reason that I was home early, the trip was amazing. There were nice dinners; that food that I had been missing for months and months was plentiful and in every direction that I looked. The air conditioning and use of my old car in order to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted were amazing. I couldn’t put a price or quantifiable value on the time with my family. My nieces didn’t forget me. They warmed up to me and realized who I was again almost immediately.

Everything was so clean. My adorable family had my room spotless and there were fresh sheets!!!! I’m telling you, hand-washed sheets just don’t smell the same. The mountains were incredibly beautiful and I spent a fair amount of time in them just relishing in what I had missed so much. I was able to see old friends, laugh and catch up on their lives. I played my favorite sports, golf and tennis, and wasn’t even that horrible! I went running with my mom and was able to do so without feeling completely harassed and signaled out (other than the fact that the altitude about obliterated me). In fact, I could go anywhere I wanted and perfectly blend in. No one shouted anything at me; no one demanded money or treats and no one made me feel unwelcome. It was bliss.

During my visit, I was asked if it was hard to be home, if I was having trouble readjusting. Honestly, I thought that it would be a lot harder. It was too easy to get back into the routine of having my own transportation, speaking English, having a refrigerator, having cold and clean drinking water, sleeping in a comfortable bed not in a pool of my own sweat, taking hot showers every day, seeing my family, and just being back in normal life. However, it wasn’t easy to see the excessive wealth. It was difficult to adjust to the price of things and to realize how much crap everyone has. Driving on the freeway legitimately scared me. The technology everywhere honestly grossed me out. It’s all over the place. I saw multiple groups of people that would sit there, not saying a word to each other, and just be messing around with their gadgets.  

Another common series of questions that I was asked by virtually everyone was obviously about my time in Senegal. “How’s Senegal, do you just love it?!” (No, no I don’t. I’m actually not just on an extended vacation there, contrary to popular belief). “What’s Africa like?!” (It’s hot there. If I went past this response, eyes tended to glaze over unless they were my close friends). “So, like, what are you even doing over there?” (Good question. Helping the people? My standard response: Working with underrepresented groups such as women and children and teaching them ways to alleviate their poverty (The typical response to that? Silence.  And then, oh…awesome!). “Did you learn that clicking language?” (Um, no). People mean well but ultimately the only ones who truly understand my time in Senegal and what it has been like for me here are my fellow PCV friends.

I guess that brings me to the last question that I was consistently asked, “When are you coming home?” This one was a little more difficult for me to answer. Like most PCV’s, I go back and forth every day, such is the rollercoaster life of our emotions here. One day I want to slap every Senegalese person I see in the face (don’t worry, I don’t actually do this) and run all the way back to the states but then the next day, I’m walking around greeting everyone and loving life. For me, I came to Senegal to work, to help people, to make a difference in the world. I knew I would have downtime but I thought that would be minimal compared to my work load. I have found this is not the case.  I can’t say though that a part of me didn’t come here for the selfish reasons as well. I know what this experience will do for my professional life as well as my own personal growth that I am going through here.

I think, though, sometimes I forget what I signed up for by coming here. It’s not supposed to be a cakewalk (as one of my good friends here put it). Every day is hard. Every single day is a challenge but what is life anywhere if not a series of different challenges? Yes, I miss everyone and everything familiar to me but my visit home definitely taught me that nothing has changed in the states. Some people have moved away and there are more babies, different jobs, but overall, everyone and everything are exactly the same.

I guess the moral of all this insane rambling is that I’m going to do my best to keep pushing on here. The answer to the question is that I don’t know when I’m coming home. I’m not making any promises and I’m just going to try to live simply and take things one day at a time.

Now I’d like to end this on a fun note. You’re probably wondering what in the hell I do with myself amidst all of this downtime that I ramble on and on about. Well, in the past year, I have read over 30 books. I re-read some of my favorite books that if you haven’t read, you need to. These include The Passage, The Terror, The Giver, The Last Lecture, and Under the Dome (among 7 other Stephen King books, him being my favorite author and all). I have watched about 7 different full series of TV shows. New favorites included Modern Family and New Girl along with re-watching one of my favorite series of all time, Arrested Development. I watched around 50 movies. Of course, the best Pixar and Disney were on repeat (Tangled, Up, Wall-E, Toy Story, How to Train Your Dragon, Mulan, etc.). Finally, I wrote. I wrote this blog and I wrote over 100 pages in a journal. I also sat a lot and just reflected. I reflected about many of the things I’ve written here so no need to get into any of that again.

Overall, I am so grateful for this journey and what it has taught me about the world and myself. Not many people can say they spent a year in Senegal: learning new languages, dancing, crying, laughing, and just living. I can. And I will never regret it.

Until the next time then,

xx

Expectations vs. Reality

As I sit here listening to the sounds of Senegal; namely animals (I can’t believe I used to think that the sound a donkey made was cute and don’t even get me started on the roosters), vague cries of screaming children, arguments in the local language and birds pleasantly mixed in there somewhere, I can’t help but think about what my expectations were for this whole experience. Most of my life has been defined by the expectations that I set for things. I criticize my relationships because maybe they aren't living up to my unrealistic expectations of how they “should” be. I criticize myself because I feel like I’m not using my time in the best way that I can or that I'm not trying hard enough. I get way too excited for things and then I’m often disappointed (hello New Year’s Eve, yeah, you actually really suck). I expect more from people than I should. I tried my best to come into this whole Peace Corps experience without high expectations but, of course, I was and still am somewhat disappointed with my time here thus far. Those of you who know me well probably already know this and even if you don’t know me well, you could probably figure that out from reading this blog. Now, I’m not saying this to be dramatic or that my entire time here has been bad by any means, some of it has been really great but some, not so much.

As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, one of the main reasons that I wanted to join the Peace Corps was because of the experience that I had in Tanzania (East Africa, Senegal is West, you’re welcome). I expected my experience in Senegal to be similar to the one I had in Tanzania, this is why I specifically requested Africa on my application. This request doesn’t necessarily guarantee that you will get to go where you want to go but considering no one really ever requests to go to Africa, I had a pretty great shot. I expected to be welcomed into Senegal, more or less, with open arms. I didn’t expect the sudden and unrelenting general resentment that I feel here constantly. I expected to stand out and to be made fun of because of my funny accent. I didn’t expect to feel ostracized, discriminated against and to have my every move criticized. Here, pretty much everything I do is amusing, scary, confusing and/or incredibly interesting to most Senegalese people. I can be simply sitting on a chair outside and draw a crowd of 20 people. Don’t even get me started on the time I tried to go to the beach when I lived in Palmarin with my host family. Let’s just say there were children literally clinging to me from the moment I stepped onto the sand. Sometimes I use this to my advantage and like to have a little fun by chasing kids. Not in a menacing way… I just sort of run after a group of them that have been harassing me waving my arms in the air and sometimes laughing maniacally. Don’t judge me. You’d start doing weird stuff like that too if you’d been here as long as me. Don’t worry, if I really frighten the children I stop and kindly greet them and then proceed to carry on with my day.  

Moving on, I expected to feel useful and that my information and training were things that my communities really needed and wanted. There are some people that I interact with who feel this way but mostly they look at me, find out I’m an American, and instantly just want hundreds of thousands of CFA and my hair. Yeah, they love white peoples’ hair. At least I mitigated that little problem by cutting all of mine off. I’m pretty sure many Senegalese people think that we are basically bathing in money over there in the states.  A lot of people here assume that if they could just get to America, then all of their problems would be solved! I try my best to explain that we have problems with unemployment, education and poverty in the states too but my heartfelt talks rarely get through to people here.

I didn’t expect to miss my family this much. I know what you’re thinking, what a baby, always talking about missing her family! Well, it’s true, I am a baby then. I miss them so much almost every single day. It is really hard for me to be here when there are struggles going on back home. Even when there aren't struggles, just not getting to hug them and joke around with them is hard. I also didn't expect to be this homesick for familiarity. I always considered myself a traveled individual who loved exploring new cultures, eating new foods, learning new languages, living abroad and having these wild experiences. The more time I spend here, though, the more I can’t wait to go back to what I know and love. I still think that I love the international experience but I’m not sure I’m willing to spend an extended amount of time like this away again.

Aside from my skewed expectations, I think that the overreaching goals of the Peace Corps as an agency are somewhat flawed. Is it an agency of development or of fostering cross-cultural friendships? Should they be more focused on recruiting older volunteers who are more experienced in the designated sectors or college grads that are fresh and ready for an exciting adventure? Integrating into a community is hard when your host family views you as their next big paycheck. Plus, it’s hard to make any sustainable change happen in some of these towns that are simply used to various NGO’s coming in, dumping money on them, and leaving. Alas, I suppose that is why I’m here. I joined the Peace Corps for a challenge. I joined to try and learn a new language, to experience a new culture. I joined to try and help people.

In my new town, the helping is coming a bit easier so it’s high time I share with you all a little bit of what I’ve been doing this past month or so. I am currently working with a scholarship program at one of the middle schools. This program was established in order to reward girls who are getting good grades but who also come from lower income families. The drop-out rate for girls of the middle school age here in Senegal is quite high. Many of these girls end up having to quit school in order to help out their family around the house. Another issue is that they sometimes become pregnant and have to quit school to start raising a family of their own. This program works to keep girls in school and out of trouble by providing benefits for those who are excelling academically and making an example out of these girls in order to inspire others. It is my job to proctor essay-writing sessions, hold personal interviews, visit their homes, collect teacher recommendations and become a mentor to the 9 selected girls (the 3 highest in 3 of the grade levels who were also deemed worthy of financial aid). At the end of the program, a group of us volunteers will be holding a Girls Leadership Camp. At the camp we will be focusing on health, environment, finances, and the future. I am very excited and will be sure to post more details as that gets closer.

Another one of my other projects is a waste management sensitization. There is a new system being established in my town and it’s been my job to organize how to inform the population about the benefits of this system and why they should partake. My site mate and I have mobilized several youth groups to attend training sessions on how to explain this sensitization and they will eventually be going out in the community to train their peers and community members.

I’m working with several women’s groups on marketing, product development, small accounting lessons and business formalization. I am hoping to start an adult informal English language club and I have been collaborating with the US Embassy in Dakar on providing training for volunteers who have received requests to teach English in our various sites. Finally, I’m hoping to start a youth entrepreneurial program at the high school this next school year while continuing random work with various other schools such as helping organize a Bob Marley Day (happening tomorrow) which will include me teaching a dance to some middle school girls, chhyeah, excited!

Needless to say, I’m pretty busy, but somehow I’m still just not feeling very fulfilled here in Senegal. I think that with my trip back home hanging over my head, I’m having a hard time thinking clearly here. I know that this trip is going to decide a lot for me. I know it’s going to be so hard seeing my family and having to say goodbye to them, again, but if it’s just too hard then I will have learned something. Maybe this experience was only supposed to be one year for me. Maybe I’ll be anxious to get back to Senegal. You never know, all I know is that I’m never going to be sorry or disappointed in what I chose. I am so happy that I took this chance and that I continue to learn more about myself every single day.  

Until next time,

xx

Air-conditioning, Mexican food and...equality?

*disclaimer* close-minded, ignorant people need not continue reading…

Sometimes I find myself wondering what life would have been like living and growing up in the 1800s before the Emancipation Proclamation, when slavery was still widely accepted. I like to think that, even then, I would have been the kind of person who was adamantly against that. I think (and hope) that most of us would probably have that same sentiment and claim, "Oh if I would have been alive then, I would have done something about it!" And to those people, I would like to pose a question, why aren't you doing anything now? Living in a developing country has obviously significantly altered my perspective but I like to think things were changing for me well before that. My whole life I have grown up believing that everyone, no matter their race, religion, gender, sexual preference, whatever, should be treated the same. This means that we should all be allowed the same basic, fundamental human rights.

I think that right now individuals of homosexual/bisexual preferences are the next human rights movement. The fact that this group of people largely aren't allowed to marry the one they love and are shown enormous amounts of hatred, discrimination and sometimes violent acts because of the way they were born?! Come on. That's horrifying. I think the United States is slowly making strides but overall and elsewhere in the world, the battle is just beginning.

Some of you may be wondering why I am writing about this. You may be thinking, wow this has nothing to do with living in Senegal; when, in fact, it does. Homosexuality is completely under wraps here. I don't think it's something I'm going to be able to change in my service here but it is an issue I care deeply about and since this is my blog, I do what I want! Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in Senegal face legal challenges not experienced by non-LGBT residents. Senegal specifically out laws same-sex sexual acts, and has prosecuted men accused of homosexuality in the past. Homosexuals face routine discrimination in the society. According to the 2007 Pew Global Attitudes Project, 97 percent of Senegalese residents believe that homosexuality is a way of life that society should not accept, which was the second-highest rate of non-acceptance in the 45 countries surveyed. (go ahead, look it up if you don’t believe me, http://pewglobal.org/files/pdf/258.pdf)! This doesn’t have anything really to do with my Peace Corps work but it’s something I care strongly about and may even pursue a graduate degree in international policy with an emphasis on human rights.

As you may or may not know, back in college, I interned with a fantastic organization in Utah called the Utah Council for Citizen Diplomacy. The mission of this organization is to promote respect and understanding between the people of Utah and other nations. The guiding principle being citizen diplomacy is the concept that the individual has the right, even the responsibility, to help shape U.S. foreign relations, “one handshake at a time.” (Yes, that was taken directly off their website, utahdiplomacy.org, checkitout).

All of that basically means that this organization would host international visitors from all over the world that were studying various topics. I’m sure you’re wondering why they would want to come to Utah of all places. The visitor that I was especially touched by came to Utah from Uganda because she wanted to study LGBTQ rights in a conservative community. Salt Lake City was the perfect place for that. I organized her entire program (meetings, hotel, meals, etc.) and even got to accompany her for her entire stay. She was an amazing woman and the fear with which she lived her life every day by simply being the person she was in her home country was appalling. She confided in me that she was terrified to go home, that one of her good friends had just been KILLED because there were suspicions that he was homosexual. In certain countries, you can be imprisoned by simply KNOWING someone is homosexual and not turning them in. Before this gets too intense or goes too far, I’ll wrap it up by saying that I just wanted to explain a little bit of my background working in this area.  I also want to encourage anyone who actually reads this to do something if they are as frustrated and disgusted by how things are as I am. Join a support group, write a letter, support a friend. Even something that seems small can make a difference.

As usual, I feel that I should lighten things up a bit. My last post was about my apprehensions about coming home. As it gets closer, I’ve been thinking about the things that I’m really excited to come home to! Apart from seeing my family and some friends (that’s obviously first) there are some things that I simply can’t wait for. Things like food. Good food, available whenever I want. Good restaurants, even fast-food restaurants. Fast-food here is not exactly fast at all. Mexican food. Oh man all the cheese!!!! Café Rio. I miss Café Rio; Big, delicious, fresh salads that I don’t have to bleach all of the ingredients beforehand. I have to stop talking about food. I’m drooling all over the place.

Also, independence. I’m going to be able to drive myself wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go. I can go to a grocery store, a real grocery store with every ingredient I could imagine, also while understanding what everything is I'm buying. Here, we have some large supermarket type places but obviously everything is in French so sometimes I really am not quite sure what I’m buying, just hoping for the best. That was getting to food again… clearly it’s high on my list of things I’m excited for.

It will be nice to have the option to go to the movies. Probably won’t waste my time with that but just having the option of SO MANY THINGS TO DO will be awesome.

Good beer. Man I miss good beer.  I guess I miss most alcoholic beverages that aren’t akin to lighter fluid. Not saying I indulge here often but when I do, it’s usually pretty nasty.

Hot showers erryday. Every day, I can go into a bathroom, that probably doesn’t have cockroaches a plenty, and take a hot shower, with real water pressure?! Can’t be true.

Blending in. I can’t wait to be able to walk down the streets and not get toubab, toubab, TOUBAB screamed at me. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post but toubab is the word for foreigner here and I hear it on a multiple times a day basis. It’s cool to feel sort of like a celebrity but you end up feeling like that celebrity that everyone kind of hates and wants to throw stuff at. Everywhere you go people notice you but it’s usually not good attention.

Air conditioning. Air conditioning. Air conditioning. I could say it 41943 more times. Sure, the summers in Utah can be brutal but there is repose from that. You walk outside and boy, is it hot, but then you usually get into your air-conditioned car. Then, that walk from your car to your house, office, supermarket is brutal until; again, you’re in the air-conditioning. Yeah, there’s none of that here. When we’re hot, another volunteer here has what she calls “wet noodling.” She strips down, bucket bathes in cold water, and then soaks her sheet in cold water, after she proceeds to wrap herself in the wet sheet and lie on the floor (often the coolest spot to be). This position works even better if you have a fan to lie in front of while you are “wet-noodling.” I guess that’s the Senegalese version of air-conditioning so yeah, I’m excited for the real thing.

I think that’s a good enough start to sum up what I’m excited for. Again, I’m not looking to offend anyone with this post. I’m just hoping to open a few minds and, as always, make you think.

Until next time,

xx

So, you want to be a Peace Corps Volunteer

I know that there have been about 34719843 articles, blogs, excerpts, books, essays, etc. written about this very topic (I’ve even shared a few of them) but I figured that it couldn’t hurt to have one more personal perspective on the subject. I feel that I had sort of a unique situation coming into this experience compared to most of the other volunteers that I know. The longest I had ever been away from my family was about a solid month I would say. I had some little summer excursions and small trips but the absolute longest I went without seeing (just seeing, I talked to them plenty too) my family was, again, only a month. This brings me to my first tip if you are someone you know is considering joining the Peace Corps:

• You need to have experienced a sufficient amount of time away from home and everything familiar to you. Most Peace Corps volunteers have studied abroad or went to college in another state or had some sort of extensive experience where they were away from their home. Or, most people moved around enough or maybe weren’t as close to their family as I am that the time apart isn’t really that huge of an issue. Maybe I’m a huge baby or something but I’m here to say, it’s an issue for me. I miss everyone every single day but it’s definitely hurting a little less the more time that I spend here. The first few months were almost unbearably hard. I cried almost every single day. Your first, real experience with homesickness can be physically debilitating. This isn’t to scare anyone off by any means. I am simply giving a fair warning, if you are as close to your family as I am; Don’t let your first extended abroad experience happen where you’ll be living in a developing country probably in a small village away from anyone and everything that is familiar.

In order to get into the Peace Corps, you usually have to have extensive knowledge of a language besides English, typically French or Spanish. French speakers are especially sought after because there are not many Americans who learn French in school.

• The importance of actually studying and doing your best to learn whatever foreign language you’re claiming to know before you get to your country of service is absolutely crucial. Peace Corps will train you in the local language but often, if they don’t feel like your level of the official language is high enough, you will be reviewing that for most of your training. This is the route that I had to undertake and it set me back immensely. I was unable to properly communicate with my host family and many people in the community. I felt that the French review was helpful in the fact that I use French every day when I am speaking with teachers, government officials or other educated people but in the day-to-day life, I am at a huge disadvantage. I almost never fully understood what my host family was saying to me and while I was close to them, I think that with a better training in the language they spoke, I could’ve been much closer. This is somewhat past tense because with my move I don’t actually live in a host family anymore but with my first one in Palmarin, things were confusing. Communication is getting better now the more I learn (except that now I’m learning a different local language with the new town… crying a little inside) but again, those first few months of not only homesickness but also not being able to properly communicate with anyone were hell.  

The majority of Peace Corps volunteers are recent college graduates. I think that this is the demographic that recruiters most often go after because they are at a vulnerable point in their lives. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life after obtaining my bachelor’s degree and the allure and excitement that Peace Corps presented to me almost sounded too good to be true. Perhaps I am a different case because Peace Corps is something I’ve wanted to do for most of my life but for many college grads, the promise of adventure and serving others reels them right in.

• I would suggest working for a few years in the states before going abroad into the Peace Corps. Sure, most of us that came virtually right out of college have some work experience but not necessarily the skill set that is needed in a developing country. Most of the time I feel completely under qualified to be here. I know that most volunteers feel this way for at least some part of their service but as my friend Kelly has explained to me, most of us are simply here to do the research, offer our unique western perspective and provide help with basic skills that we have known how to do for years. I think that my experience here and what I have to offer would be infinitely more valuable if I had been in a professional working environment and waited to apply for the Peace Corps for a few years before coming here. Then again, with the economy the way it is now, that’s why most of us are here is because we’re running away in a sense from having to find careers in the states. Along those same lines, if you’re a self-starter, the Peace Corps is the place for you; but, if you’re not, you’re in for a world of frustration considering that once you’re placed in your site it’s pretty much up to you to determine the needs of your town and get things started.

The challenges that we go through here are hard for people to really comprehend sometimes. We are constantly expected to be on, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are consistently surrounded by people who we don’t speak the same language as who really don’t understand what we’re doing here and most of us don’t even understand what we’re doing sometimes.

• I feel frustrated, under-qualified, discouraged, scared, lonely, terrorized, taken advantage of, ridiculed among a million other things every single day. No matter how great your projects might be going or how much your language is improving; you will feel that way too if you’re in the Peace Corps. Often the people in host countries don’t seem to understand that volunteers are here, not getting paid, living away from our families, friends and comforts to be here, to help them. They see me instead as a walking ATM, an idiot who can’t properly communicate, a woman who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, a potential wife, a meal ticket to America, someone to be made fun of and harassed when I don’t understand. But, then there are the good days that make it all worth it, which I’m sure I’ve talked about in previous posts so that’s all I’ll say there. Most days I still don’t know what I’m doing here but I’m so glad that I tried as hard as I did to get to this point in my life. It was never easy. But at least I’ll live the rest of my life knowing I tried.

This brings me to another important point that you need to know before you think of applying to the Peace Corps.

• They aren’t kidding when they say the application process will take a year. In my case, it took a little over 2 years to get accepted. I have had some people ask me, is it hard to get in? Absolutely it is. Not only qualifications wise but you have to have the patience and perseverance in order to simply keep your application moving along. If you are serious about wanting to apply for the Peace Corps, start early. You also need to have significant leadership and volunteer experience. You must make sure you’re healthy, that you have a clean criminal record, and that you don’t have any commitments holding you to the states such as debt, children, etc. You also need to be a college graduate, the higher your grades, the better chance you have. I’m sure there’s more but if people reading this are really serious about joining the Peace Corps then I’m assuming you’ll have done your research on what you need to be and do.

I would say that about sums up the areas that I’ve had the hardest time with here. Your frustrations and challenges will surprise you. Sure, the heat, bugs, lack of resources, sicknesses, and general feelings of discomfort are tough but are much more manageable than the issues I’ve previously mentioned.

Considering this post seems to be a lot about my feelings I thought I’d continue that train and talk about the fact that I’m coming home to visit in less than two months! While I’m obviously ecstatic, I also have some reservations and apprehensions about coming home. I’m really nervous about seeing my house without my dog being there. She was there, fine and happy, when I left and to come home without her there is going to be really tough. I’m nervous about seeing my friends. I know that I’ve changed and it makes me wonder how much our relationships will have changed. Sometimes I don’t feel like I really fit in anywhere anymore. I’m certainly not integrated to the point where I feel like I completely fit in here in Senegal but I also can’t really relate with what my friends are going through back home. I’m uneasy about being surrounded by obscene amounts of wastefulness compared to what I’m used to seeing and I’m worried that I’m going to lose it on the wrong person who just doesn’t know any differently.

Finally, I’m absolutely terrified that I won’t be able to make myself come back to Senegal. Every part of me wants to finish my two years and successfully complete my service but, as previously mentioned, it’s just so damn hard sometimes. That’s why part of my agreement with people that I’m going to see when I’m home is that they have to be super obnoxious and difficult my last few days there so that I can’t wait to leave (hehe). Contrary to most of the tone of this post though, I’m doing fine. I just moved into my new place in the bigger town and it’s going well so far! Of course it’s taking getting used to as it does when you move to a new city anytime but overall I think that I will be much happier and more successful here.

Until next time then,

xx

Meaning of Life

I realized in my last post that I randomly brought up moving to a bigger town with absolutely no back story or preface as to why this might be happening and how this is possible. Sorry about that. So, as I have mentioned 54195 times, I live in a small village of about 2,500 people. The location of this village is between the coast and the Sine-Saloum Delta making it quite picturesque and unbelievably tranquil. However, as beautiful as it may be down here, I’m not sure this community is necessarily “in need” of a Peace Corps volunteer. That might sound strange seeming as most people in the Western world hear Africa and immediately think of children dressed in rags, covered in flies, dirty and surrounded by utter poverty. I assure you that level of poverty does exist here (side rant, in a few of my packages I have received celebrity magazines. They’re fun to read but also make me kind of want to puke and shake these idiot famous people. I’m sitting here next to a child who wears the same dirty t-shirt every day, reading about the latest “it” person who spent $2,000 on a wallet. It’s disgusting) but for the most part my village seems to know what they’re doing, they've had Peace Corps volunteers down here for the last 10 years.

You see, there is a sort of application process for requesting a Peace Corps volunteer in your village or town. I believe the main qualifications are that there is sufficient work and needs to be fulfilled in order to legitimize the necessity of a volunteer in the site. We also “graduate” from sites when we feel like they can take things over on their own, this obviously being a great thing as the goal of Peace Corps work is sustainability after we’re gone. Basically, we are not forcing aid upon communities. In my case, there was a locally established campement (small hotel) that needed help with business formalization, marketing, staff training, etc. I was placed here because of my international business background as well as previous experience working in a hotel that prided itself on environmentally friendly practices. Well. This all sounds fine and dandy which set my expectations significantly higher than they should have been. Each time I visited the campement for a progress update I was told, “Oh, it will be completely constructed next month!” Or, “By tourist season, we will be up and running and ready for your help.” Yeah these things weren't exactly accurate; it still remains tightly closed down. Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly come up with other ways to try and bide my time here (which I have talked about enough in previous posts, I’m sure); but, once school is out and tourist season is over, I couldn't really imagine what I would do down here. Therefore, I have been talking to my supervisors and other volunteers, trying to come up with the best solution.

Site changes are very rare and are usually only approved in serious situations; however, when I came to my supervisor complaining about a lack of work, he was more than understanding and has been working with me ever since then to figure out the best solution. Assuming I can find a suitable place to live, I will be moving to a bigger town in April. I’m slightly apprehensive. It’s just like when I was first installed into my village all over again. I will have to develop new routines, forge new friendships and integrate into a new community. There will be more harassment, less tranquility and just a new set of challenges. I’m also worried about the opinions of other volunteers. I know that I shouldn't be but as a community, other volunteers can be very judgmental. We have a tendency to constantly compare ourselves and there is this ongoing battle of who is “roughing” it more and having the “true Peace Corps experience.” Although, if people realize that I could have just relaxed on the beach for 2 years and I am choosing to move in order to have meaningful projects, I would hope that they would understand. Ultimately, I think it will be worth it.

While moving for work purposes is legitimate and all, I definitely am not prepared for how difficult it is going to be to leave Palmarin. I have started telling the people that I am closest to in the community and their reactions have been overwhelming. The artisans I help with English are sad to see me go but said they have such a positive view of Americans and the Peace Corps now because of how nice and open I always was/am with them and the teacher I work with at the high school said they’ve seen a fair amount of volunteers come through Palmarin and I am the one who has tried the hardest with the school and that I always have such a positive attitude. It was really nice to hear and made me feel like, even though I was only down here for a little over 7 months, I made a positive impact.

Well that catches you up on that whole jazz. As usual, this post is probably going to veer off into me thinking that I’m being philosophical because, as I've said a thousand times before, I have WAY too much time to think here. Lately I've been thinking very retrospectively, going over a lot of the past relationships I've had in my life. Do you ever think about that one relationship where the timing was always off or those friendships that were shattered beyond repair? The family ties that you didn't work on hard enough and eventually let fade away. I've also been thinking a lot about the grudges that people continue to foster when, in reality, they’re only hurting themselves. We only have one life, what if we pushed someone or some opportunity aside that would have been better for us all along? What if we let something fester inside us forever instead of moving on and ultimately letting ourselves feel at peace? I like to believe that everything happens for a reason but that philosophy can sometimes feel like a cop out when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to. I'm going to lighten the mood a little by inserting a beautiful picture of the sunrise this morning from my backyard. 

Now, back to it. Thinking like this is partly stemming from catching up with friends and family back home. I am constantly seeing friends who are getting into new relationships, starting families, going to grad school, getting great jobs and just moving forward in their lives. I hate that sometimes here I’m just willing time to pass quickly so that I can get to that point in my life. My parents always tell me that I don’t realize how fast time truly does go but I think that I do. It’s just that life can feel so stagnant here. What is the meaning of life anyway? Is it to find one, great, epic love? Is it to have a meaningful career? Is it to help those that were born less fortunate than you are? Is it to see the beauty of nature and explore the world? Is the meaning of life to be remembered for something, to be famous? I feel like the wisest answer to that question is that the meaning of life is to be happy and fulfilled. But, how do you achieve that contentment? A part of me is grateful that I have so much time on my hands to be able to reflect and think about what I want out of life. The problem with that, again, is that it’s too much time. I over-think everything and end up second guessing all of my major life’s decisions. I guess all that I can really hope for is to successfully complete this step of my life by setting a good example for the people of Senegal and for my friends and family back home. I’m also going to continue enjoying the simplicity and beauty of the environment that surrounds me here. As my parents have always said, all of that other stuff will work itself out the way it’s meant to.

Until next time then,

xx

Man, I feel like a woman

Where oh where to begin?!  I guess I’ll start with my most recent project that I completed. The International School of Dakar came down to Palmarin for a week long science field trip and we had a blast. My role in the project was basically to serve as the trip organizer/tour guide. I planned out everything from where they were staying, to their activities, to every meal that they ate. In total there were 16 kids, 3 Peace Corps volunteers, 2 teachers from the school and one school counselor. I was expecting 16 spoiled American brats and I was absolutely proven wrong. These kids were from all over the world and had parents working in very prestigious positions (helloooo Mr. Ambassador). They were respectful, open-minded and eager to learn. There is a certain naivety with kids who are raised in the international world. They are much more dependent on their parents and therefore they respect them more. These kids were 15-16 years old and still had their innocence, imagine that! Kids that age in America are often times incredibly disrespectful, are beginning to get into things that they shouldn't and think they have to grow up much quicker than they should. There is certainly something to be said for kids raised this way and, if I have the opportunity, I would love for my kids to be raised with that worldly perspective.

The week consisted of fish dissections, star-gazing, visiting an African market, hearing from a local historian, hyena watching (we didn’t see one but did see an amazing sunset), soccer games, swimming, kayaking, walks through the mangroves, fishing, and eating in local villagers’ homes. The goals of the trip were to encourage interaction between the students and local Senegalese, to give back to the community of Palmarin and also to learn some scientific stuff along the way. The project was a success in every aspect. I found myself feeling nostalgic for the good old days of school. I am a huge nerd and actually love to learn so I was right there in the circle of kids whenever one of the teachers had something interesting to tell us. I’m really looking forward to planning the trip next year and further fostering a relationship with the school.  

Shortly after sending the kids off, it was time for the Peace Corps All-Volunteer Conference.  This doesn’t just mean volunteers from all sectors in Senegal but also Peace Corps volunteers from all over West Africa. We had two days chalk full of informative sessions, project ideas and good times. Some of my favorite sessions had to be learning how to properly execute a mangroves reforestation, the components needed to start a school garden and also a whole new youth entrepreneurship program. After the work, a different kind of fun began. Friday night kicked off with volunteers showcasing their skills. We had someone joggling (jogging + juggling), a few guitarists, singers and even a dance troupe that included yours truly. You see, there is kind of a bias against CED (my program) volunteers. No one thinks that we know how to have any fun because we are typically more uptight, type-A personality people. We definitely proved that opinion wrong by dancing to a mash-up that included MC Hammer, Beyonce, Mackelmore, Vanilla Ice and more. We only had two days to choreograph our moves and it was still a raging success. I don’t even know how many people came up to me and told me how much more respect they had for not only me but the CED program.

The next day was the kick-off for two days of WAIST (West African Invitational Softball Tournament). In previous years this tournament involved Peace Corps volunteers from all over West Africa playing softball games against US Marines, US Embassy employees, NGO employees and other expatriates living in Senegal. This year the Peace Corps was given our own field to just play against each other. The reason for this being that most volunteers use this time together as more of a social event rather than a serious competition. Most of us tend to prefer having a beer in our softball mitt and running around dressed up in costumes (my region dressed as Greek Gods/Goddesses and other regions were super heroes/super villains, geriatrics, pre-historic era and high school stereotypes) rather than having an intense game. We had too much fun. Some highlights of the games included one player sitting on the shoulders of another while pitching the ball, our country director hitting one grand slam after another, random break-outs of the national anthem while saluting the volunteer dressed as Captain America and the volunteer who was running bases while singing and playing his guitar. Good times.

I’d say another highlight of the WAIST weekend was the massive hair makeover that myself and one of my good friends in country, Kelly, undertook. My uncle is going through treatment for lymphoma for the fourth time and it breaks my heart to hear about the pain he is in. I decided that I wanted to do some type of fundraiser in light of his situation. I set up a page with the Lymphoma Research Foundation and set a goal with the promise that Kelly and I would shave our heads if the goal was met. Well, it was met within hours. The thing is I've always wanted to shave my head. It has been on my bucket list forever because I simply couldn't think of a more liberating feeling for a woman. It’s also quite hot living in Africa and my hair was long enough to donate to locks of love so it fulfilled many purposes! The actual cutting was quite an experience. In true Peace Corps style our tools used were two dull razor blades and a beard trimmer. We tied off our hair in sections and started sawing away. My hair is incredibly thick and curly so it was quite painful but oh so worth it. After a little clean-up the next day, I was left with the fuzzy head of an adolescent boy. I am shocked actually at the lack of panic I had throughout the whole endeavor. I cut all of my hair off, I now have a buzzed head and that’s the way it is. I can’t wait for my village to see it for the first time and also to see how it affects my life here in Senegal. Obviously I will be MUCH cooler but maybe people will mistake me for a man and I will get more respect? If all I get out of this is a decrease of marriage proposals, it will have been worth it.

Well, that basically catches you up on this crazy life I’m leading these days. I’m currently in Dakar on med hold due to some anxiety attacks I've had as of late. I think they are due to the uncertainty I have about my future here. I think I’m to the point where, no matter what, I want to finish my two years. I now just have to decide if moving perhaps to a bigger town with more work opportunities, but in turn more harassment, will truly be worth it. I will, of course, keep you all updated every step of the way.

Until next time,

xx

The Roundabout Way

I was reading through some of my old entries the other day and I think I’ve failed to talk about what actual work I’m doing here. That is, besides the work of everyday getting up and speaking/talking/thinking in several different languages while doing my best to integrate into a small African village (patting self on back, hehe). I have explained my program and the work that I am supposed to be doing but that has become different than reality. Yes, I am still a community economic development (CED, acronyms, love them) volunteer but I live in a village meaning my projects are not quite on the same scale as other CED volunteers. My primary sector was supposed to be eco-tourism but the main hotel I was going to work with is having issues with financing and it is unfortunately more than I could hope to write a grant for. Key words used being supposed. Therefore, I have begun to forge my own way and discover different outlets for better utilizing my time here. My last post was a bit despondent and I’m going to try my best to not go to that place again. I think I was still in shock with my parents leaving and getting back to my village. It was almost like leaving Utah all over again except the first time I was at least excited and unaware of what I was facing. Anyway, I currently have a few things going on that are keeping me… somewhat occupied; busy is too strong of a word.

I have started an informal English class with some artists. My class consists of 5 full grown men who make and try to sell artwork, dresses, little statues, jewelry and other stuff to tourists. They want to learn English so that they can increase their client base. I have never taught English before or anything really, so this has been an interesting process. The first class I proceeded to just try my best to gauge their various levels and the most successful way I could go about teaching them. Each week is a learning experience but so far they have been very receptive and seem truly appreciative of the time that I’m spending with them. Another project that I have is an English/Environmental Club at the middle/high school. We have only met a couple of times and each time the number increases slightly (I’m up to 5 kids now…). The purpose of the club is simply for the kids to have a place to play games, review lessons and practice speaking English outside of school. I am going to do my best to implement projects such as learning how to compost and starting a school garden to make them more environmentally conscious. That sounds so boring when I write it out like that… I promise that we have fun too. This week we are reviewing body parts and playing Simon Says, talk about a good time!

The final larger project that I am working on is teaching a course called Junior Achievement at the elementary schools in my village. Junior Achievement is, “an organization dedicated to the education of students on the knowledge of the economy and business. The goal of Junior Achievement is to inspire and prepare the youth for success.” It’s also about getting kids thinking about their future and possible career paths they might want to pursue. My class is about 25 kids between the ages of 9 and 14. Kids here all start school at different ages depending on when their parents let them go and/or can afford it. I think this also depends on how much their French improves as time goes on. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m teaching this completely in French? Good thing I’m at about the same language level as these kids. A highlight of my first lesson was when I proposed the question of what these kids wanted to be when they grow up. No one ever asks them something like that. Most kids weren’t even sure how to respond but I had one who was confident and quick in his response. I thought that he said a doctor; turns out he wants to be a wrestler, classic mix-up.

Along with the previously mentioned projects I’m working on some smaller scale things such as trying to formulate a grant for a possible youth center to be built in my village and I’m also serving as a co-coordinator for my work zone. This basically means that I am in charge of possible cross-sector collaborative work, projects and the facilitation of these things. Soooo if you’re still reading this, that pretty much catches you up on all of my wordy work-related info.

Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling real philosophical and thinking a lot about fate and how crucial of a role that timing plays in our lives. This might be largely due to reading some interesting books and possibly also due to the fact that every time I log into Facebook it seems like someone else is getting engaged or some other life changing event. Is there something in the water over there in good old America? It’s pretty crazy though to sit and wonder where I might be and what I’d be doing if this Peace Corps thing wouldn’t have worked out. I know this experience is going to shape the rest of my life, how could it not? The question is how much is it going to shape?

At times I find myself jealous of the normality that I see every day following other peoples’ lives. Did they have to get up this morning and heat a pot of water to make their bucket bath lukewarm? Do they have to think through almost everything they say, before they say it, but then still walk away after conversations with a dumb-founded look on their faces? Do they have to constantly prove their worth being a woman living in a male-dominated, chauvinistic society? Yes, I chose this, and most days I’m happy about my decision. My fear though, is what if I’m never going to be content settling down? Most of my life has been spent chasing after the next adventure. What am I really searching for?

I wonder how much will and won’t have changed by the time I come back home. I wonder how much I will have changed. I already find myself flabbergasted by some of the things that used to seem so important. I don’t think I was ever that concerned with make-up, fancy clothes or stuff like that but here, I don’t even own a mirror. I guess all I can really hope for is that one day I will look back and be proud of the decisions that I made and the person that I’ve become. Right now, I can’t help but feel like I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Sure, sometimes it’s really hard to see the normalcy of other peoples’ lives but maybe my life wasn’t meant to follow that “normal” path.

I suppose I’ll end this post by saying that I am not accusing anyone of living a lesser life, or a better one, than anyone else. I think we all feel where our paths are leading us and some of us are maybe just taking a more roundabout way. I also realize that not everyone has had the opportunities that I have had to be able to follow my adventurous itch and for that, as I’ve stated many times before, I am incredibly grateful.

Until next time,

xx