You see, there is a sort of application process for
requesting a Peace Corps volunteer in your village or town. I believe the main
qualifications are that there is sufficient work and needs to be fulfilled in
order to legitimize the necessity of a volunteer in the site. We also “graduate”
from sites when we feel like they can take things over on their own, this
obviously being a great thing as the goal of Peace Corps work is sustainability
after we’re gone. Basically, we are not forcing aid upon communities. In my
case, there was a locally established campement (small hotel) that needed help
with business formalization, marketing, staff training, etc. I was placed here
because of my international business background as well as previous experience
working in a hotel that prided itself on environmentally friendly practices.
Well. This all sounds fine and dandy which set my expectations significantly
higher than they should have been. Each time I visited the campement for a
progress update I was told, “Oh, it will be completely constructed next month!”
Or, “By tourist season, we will be up and running and ready for your help.” Yeah
these things weren't exactly accurate; it still remains tightly closed down. Don’t get
me wrong, I have certainly come up with other ways to try and bide my time here
(which I have talked about enough in previous posts, I’m sure); but, once
school is out and tourist season is over, I couldn't really imagine what I
would do down here. Therefore, I have been talking to my supervisors and other
volunteers, trying to come up with the best solution.
Site changes are very rare and are usually only approved in serious
situations; however, when I came to my supervisor complaining about a lack of
work, he was more than understanding and has been working with me ever since
then to figure out the best solution. Assuming I can find a suitable place to
live, I will be moving to a bigger town in April. I’m slightly apprehensive.
It’s just like when I was first installed into my village all over again. I
will have to develop new routines, forge new friendships and integrate into a
new community. There will be more harassment, less tranquility and just a new
set of challenges. I’m also worried about the opinions of other volunteers. I
know that I shouldn't be but as a community, other volunteers can be very
judgmental. We have a tendency to constantly compare ourselves and there is
this ongoing battle of who is “roughing” it more and having the “true Peace
Corps experience.” Although, if people realize that I could have just relaxed on
the beach for 2 years and I am choosing to move in order to have meaningful
projects, I would hope that they would understand. Ultimately, I think it will
be worth it.
While moving for work purposes is legitimate and all, I definitely
am not prepared for how difficult it is going to be to leave Palmarin. I have
started telling the people that I am closest to in the community and their
reactions have been overwhelming. The artisans I help with English are sad to
see me go but said they have such a positive view of Americans and the Peace Corps
now because of how nice and open I always was/am with them and the teacher I
work with at the high school said they’ve seen a fair amount of volunteers come
through Palmarin and I am the one who has tried the hardest with the school and
that I always have such a positive attitude. It was really nice to hear and
made me feel like, even though I was only down here for a little over 7 months,
I made a positive impact.
Well that catches you up on that whole jazz. As usual, this
post is probably going to veer off into me thinking that I’m being
philosophical because, as I've said a thousand times before, I have WAY too
much time to think here. Lately I've been thinking very retrospectively, going
over a lot of the past relationships I've had in my life. Do you ever think
about that one relationship where the timing was always off or those
friendships that were shattered beyond repair? The family ties that you didn't work on hard enough and eventually let fade away. I've also been thinking a lot
about the grudges that people continue to foster when, in reality, they’re only
hurting themselves. We only have one life, what if we pushed someone or some
opportunity aside that would have been better for us all along? What if we let
something fester inside us forever instead of moving on and ultimately letting
ourselves feel at peace? I like to believe that everything happens for a reason
but that philosophy can sometimes feel like a cop out when things don’t work
out the way you wanted them to. I'm going to lighten the mood a little by inserting a beautiful picture of the sunrise this morning from my backyard.
Now, back to it. Thinking like this is partly stemming from catching up with
friends and family back home. I am constantly seeing friends who are getting into
new relationships, starting families, going to grad school, getting great jobs
and just moving forward in their lives. I hate that sometimes here I’m just
willing time to pass quickly so that I can get to that point in my life. My
parents always tell me that I don’t realize how fast time truly does go but I
think that I do. It’s just that life can feel so stagnant here. What is the
meaning of life anyway? Is it to find one, great, epic love? Is it to have a
meaningful career? Is it to help those that were born less fortunate than you
are? Is it to see the beauty of nature and explore the world? Is the meaning of
life to be remembered for something, to be famous? I feel like the wisest answer
to that question is that the meaning of life is to be happy and fulfilled. But,
how do you achieve that contentment? A part of me is grateful that I have so
much time on my hands to be able to reflect and think about what I want out of
life. The problem with that, again, is that it’s too much time. I over-think everything and end up second guessing all of my major life’s decisions. I guess
all that I can really hope for is to successfully complete this step of my life
by setting a good example for the people of Senegal and for my friends and
family back home. I’m also going to continue enjoying the simplicity and beauty
of the environment that surrounds me here. As my parents have always said, all
of that other stuff will work itself out the way it’s meant to.
Until next time then,
xx
