Air-conditioning, Mexican food and...equality?

*disclaimer* close-minded, ignorant people need not continue reading…

Sometimes I find myself wondering what life would have been like living and growing up in the 1800s before the Emancipation Proclamation, when slavery was still widely accepted. I like to think that, even then, I would have been the kind of person who was adamantly against that. I think (and hope) that most of us would probably have that same sentiment and claim, "Oh if I would have been alive then, I would have done something about it!" And to those people, I would like to pose a question, why aren't you doing anything now? Living in a developing country has obviously significantly altered my perspective but I like to think things were changing for me well before that. My whole life I have grown up believing that everyone, no matter their race, religion, gender, sexual preference, whatever, should be treated the same. This means that we should all be allowed the same basic, fundamental human rights.

I think that right now individuals of homosexual/bisexual preferences are the next human rights movement. The fact that this group of people largely aren't allowed to marry the one they love and are shown enormous amounts of hatred, discrimination and sometimes violent acts because of the way they were born?! Come on. That's horrifying. I think the United States is slowly making strides but overall and elsewhere in the world, the battle is just beginning.

Some of you may be wondering why I am writing about this. You may be thinking, wow this has nothing to do with living in Senegal; when, in fact, it does. Homosexuality is completely under wraps here. I don't think it's something I'm going to be able to change in my service here but it is an issue I care deeply about and since this is my blog, I do what I want! Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individuals in Senegal face legal challenges not experienced by non-LGBT residents. Senegal specifically out laws same-sex sexual acts, and has prosecuted men accused of homosexuality in the past. Homosexuals face routine discrimination in the society. According to the 2007 Pew Global Attitudes Project, 97 percent of Senegalese residents believe that homosexuality is a way of life that society should not accept, which was the second-highest rate of non-acceptance in the 45 countries surveyed. (go ahead, look it up if you don’t believe me, http://pewglobal.org/files/pdf/258.pdf)! This doesn’t have anything really to do with my Peace Corps work but it’s something I care strongly about and may even pursue a graduate degree in international policy with an emphasis on human rights.

As you may or may not know, back in college, I interned with a fantastic organization in Utah called the Utah Council for Citizen Diplomacy. The mission of this organization is to promote respect and understanding between the people of Utah and other nations. The guiding principle being citizen diplomacy is the concept that the individual has the right, even the responsibility, to help shape U.S. foreign relations, “one handshake at a time.” (Yes, that was taken directly off their website, utahdiplomacy.org, checkitout).

All of that basically means that this organization would host international visitors from all over the world that were studying various topics. I’m sure you’re wondering why they would want to come to Utah of all places. The visitor that I was especially touched by came to Utah from Uganda because she wanted to study LGBTQ rights in a conservative community. Salt Lake City was the perfect place for that. I organized her entire program (meetings, hotel, meals, etc.) and even got to accompany her for her entire stay. She was an amazing woman and the fear with which she lived her life every day by simply being the person she was in her home country was appalling. She confided in me that she was terrified to go home, that one of her good friends had just been KILLED because there were suspicions that he was homosexual. In certain countries, you can be imprisoned by simply KNOWING someone is homosexual and not turning them in. Before this gets too intense or goes too far, I’ll wrap it up by saying that I just wanted to explain a little bit of my background working in this area.  I also want to encourage anyone who actually reads this to do something if they are as frustrated and disgusted by how things are as I am. Join a support group, write a letter, support a friend. Even something that seems small can make a difference.

As usual, I feel that I should lighten things up a bit. My last post was about my apprehensions about coming home. As it gets closer, I’ve been thinking about the things that I’m really excited to come home to! Apart from seeing my family and some friends (that’s obviously first) there are some things that I simply can’t wait for. Things like food. Good food, available whenever I want. Good restaurants, even fast-food restaurants. Fast-food here is not exactly fast at all. Mexican food. Oh man all the cheese!!!! Café Rio. I miss Café Rio; Big, delicious, fresh salads that I don’t have to bleach all of the ingredients beforehand. I have to stop talking about food. I’m drooling all over the place.

Also, independence. I’m going to be able to drive myself wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go. I can go to a grocery store, a real grocery store with every ingredient I could imagine, also while understanding what everything is I'm buying. Here, we have some large supermarket type places but obviously everything is in French so sometimes I really am not quite sure what I’m buying, just hoping for the best. That was getting to food again… clearly it’s high on my list of things I’m excited for.

It will be nice to have the option to go to the movies. Probably won’t waste my time with that but just having the option of SO MANY THINGS TO DO will be awesome.

Good beer. Man I miss good beer.  I guess I miss most alcoholic beverages that aren’t akin to lighter fluid. Not saying I indulge here often but when I do, it’s usually pretty nasty.

Hot showers erryday. Every day, I can go into a bathroom, that probably doesn’t have cockroaches a plenty, and take a hot shower, with real water pressure?! Can’t be true.

Blending in. I can’t wait to be able to walk down the streets and not get toubab, toubab, TOUBAB screamed at me. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this in an earlier post but toubab is the word for foreigner here and I hear it on a multiple times a day basis. It’s cool to feel sort of like a celebrity but you end up feeling like that celebrity that everyone kind of hates and wants to throw stuff at. Everywhere you go people notice you but it’s usually not good attention.

Air conditioning. Air conditioning. Air conditioning. I could say it 41943 more times. Sure, the summers in Utah can be brutal but there is repose from that. You walk outside and boy, is it hot, but then you usually get into your air-conditioned car. Then, that walk from your car to your house, office, supermarket is brutal until; again, you’re in the air-conditioning. Yeah, there’s none of that here. When we’re hot, another volunteer here has what she calls “wet noodling.” She strips down, bucket bathes in cold water, and then soaks her sheet in cold water, after she proceeds to wrap herself in the wet sheet and lie on the floor (often the coolest spot to be). This position works even better if you have a fan to lie in front of while you are “wet-noodling.” I guess that’s the Senegalese version of air-conditioning so yeah, I’m excited for the real thing.

I think that’s a good enough start to sum up what I’m excited for. Again, I’m not looking to offend anyone with this post. I’m just hoping to open a few minds and, as always, make you think.

Until next time,

xx

So, you want to be a Peace Corps Volunteer

I know that there have been about 34719843 articles, blogs, excerpts, books, essays, etc. written about this very topic (I’ve even shared a few of them) but I figured that it couldn’t hurt to have one more personal perspective on the subject. I feel that I had sort of a unique situation coming into this experience compared to most of the other volunteers that I know. The longest I had ever been away from my family was about a solid month I would say. I had some little summer excursions and small trips but the absolute longest I went without seeing (just seeing, I talked to them plenty too) my family was, again, only a month. This brings me to my first tip if you are someone you know is considering joining the Peace Corps:

• You need to have experienced a sufficient amount of time away from home and everything familiar to you. Most Peace Corps volunteers have studied abroad or went to college in another state or had some sort of extensive experience where they were away from their home. Or, most people moved around enough or maybe weren’t as close to their family as I am that the time apart isn’t really that huge of an issue. Maybe I’m a huge baby or something but I’m here to say, it’s an issue for me. I miss everyone every single day but it’s definitely hurting a little less the more time that I spend here. The first few months were almost unbearably hard. I cried almost every single day. Your first, real experience with homesickness can be physically debilitating. This isn’t to scare anyone off by any means. I am simply giving a fair warning, if you are as close to your family as I am; Don’t let your first extended abroad experience happen where you’ll be living in a developing country probably in a small village away from anyone and everything that is familiar.

In order to get into the Peace Corps, you usually have to have extensive knowledge of a language besides English, typically French or Spanish. French speakers are especially sought after because there are not many Americans who learn French in school.

• The importance of actually studying and doing your best to learn whatever foreign language you’re claiming to know before you get to your country of service is absolutely crucial. Peace Corps will train you in the local language but often, if they don’t feel like your level of the official language is high enough, you will be reviewing that for most of your training. This is the route that I had to undertake and it set me back immensely. I was unable to properly communicate with my host family and many people in the community. I felt that the French review was helpful in the fact that I use French every day when I am speaking with teachers, government officials or other educated people but in the day-to-day life, I am at a huge disadvantage. I almost never fully understood what my host family was saying to me and while I was close to them, I think that with a better training in the language they spoke, I could’ve been much closer. This is somewhat past tense because with my move I don’t actually live in a host family anymore but with my first one in Palmarin, things were confusing. Communication is getting better now the more I learn (except that now I’m learning a different local language with the new town… crying a little inside) but again, those first few months of not only homesickness but also not being able to properly communicate with anyone were hell.  

The majority of Peace Corps volunteers are recent college graduates. I think that this is the demographic that recruiters most often go after because they are at a vulnerable point in their lives. I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life after obtaining my bachelor’s degree and the allure and excitement that Peace Corps presented to me almost sounded too good to be true. Perhaps I am a different case because Peace Corps is something I’ve wanted to do for most of my life but for many college grads, the promise of adventure and serving others reels them right in.

• I would suggest working for a few years in the states before going abroad into the Peace Corps. Sure, most of us that came virtually right out of college have some work experience but not necessarily the skill set that is needed in a developing country. Most of the time I feel completely under qualified to be here. I know that most volunteers feel this way for at least some part of their service but as my friend Kelly has explained to me, most of us are simply here to do the research, offer our unique western perspective and provide help with basic skills that we have known how to do for years. I think that my experience here and what I have to offer would be infinitely more valuable if I had been in a professional working environment and waited to apply for the Peace Corps for a few years before coming here. Then again, with the economy the way it is now, that’s why most of us are here is because we’re running away in a sense from having to find careers in the states. Along those same lines, if you’re a self-starter, the Peace Corps is the place for you; but, if you’re not, you’re in for a world of frustration considering that once you’re placed in your site it’s pretty much up to you to determine the needs of your town and get things started.

The challenges that we go through here are hard for people to really comprehend sometimes. We are constantly expected to be on, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are consistently surrounded by people who we don’t speak the same language as who really don’t understand what we’re doing here and most of us don’t even understand what we’re doing sometimes.

• I feel frustrated, under-qualified, discouraged, scared, lonely, terrorized, taken advantage of, ridiculed among a million other things every single day. No matter how great your projects might be going or how much your language is improving; you will feel that way too if you’re in the Peace Corps. Often the people in host countries don’t seem to understand that volunteers are here, not getting paid, living away from our families, friends and comforts to be here, to help them. They see me instead as a walking ATM, an idiot who can’t properly communicate, a woman who doesn’t know what she’s talking about, a potential wife, a meal ticket to America, someone to be made fun of and harassed when I don’t understand. But, then there are the good days that make it all worth it, which I’m sure I’ve talked about in previous posts so that’s all I’ll say there. Most days I still don’t know what I’m doing here but I’m so glad that I tried as hard as I did to get to this point in my life. It was never easy. But at least I’ll live the rest of my life knowing I tried.

This brings me to another important point that you need to know before you think of applying to the Peace Corps.

• They aren’t kidding when they say the application process will take a year. In my case, it took a little over 2 years to get accepted. I have had some people ask me, is it hard to get in? Absolutely it is. Not only qualifications wise but you have to have the patience and perseverance in order to simply keep your application moving along. If you are serious about wanting to apply for the Peace Corps, start early. You also need to have significant leadership and volunteer experience. You must make sure you’re healthy, that you have a clean criminal record, and that you don’t have any commitments holding you to the states such as debt, children, etc. You also need to be a college graduate, the higher your grades, the better chance you have. I’m sure there’s more but if people reading this are really serious about joining the Peace Corps then I’m assuming you’ll have done your research on what you need to be and do.

I would say that about sums up the areas that I’ve had the hardest time with here. Your frustrations and challenges will surprise you. Sure, the heat, bugs, lack of resources, sicknesses, and general feelings of discomfort are tough but are much more manageable than the issues I’ve previously mentioned.

Considering this post seems to be a lot about my feelings I thought I’d continue that train and talk about the fact that I’m coming home to visit in less than two months! While I’m obviously ecstatic, I also have some reservations and apprehensions about coming home. I’m really nervous about seeing my house without my dog being there. She was there, fine and happy, when I left and to come home without her there is going to be really tough. I’m nervous about seeing my friends. I know that I’ve changed and it makes me wonder how much our relationships will have changed. Sometimes I don’t feel like I really fit in anywhere anymore. I’m certainly not integrated to the point where I feel like I completely fit in here in Senegal but I also can’t really relate with what my friends are going through back home. I’m uneasy about being surrounded by obscene amounts of wastefulness compared to what I’m used to seeing and I’m worried that I’m going to lose it on the wrong person who just doesn’t know any differently.

Finally, I’m absolutely terrified that I won’t be able to make myself come back to Senegal. Every part of me wants to finish my two years and successfully complete my service but, as previously mentioned, it’s just so damn hard sometimes. That’s why part of my agreement with people that I’m going to see when I’m home is that they have to be super obnoxious and difficult my last few days there so that I can’t wait to leave (hehe). Contrary to most of the tone of this post though, I’m doing fine. I just moved into my new place in the bigger town and it’s going well so far! Of course it’s taking getting used to as it does when you move to a new city anytime but overall I think that I will be much happier and more successful here.

Until next time then,

xx

Meaning of Life

I realized in my last post that I randomly brought up moving to a bigger town with absolutely no back story or preface as to why this might be happening and how this is possible. Sorry about that. So, as I have mentioned 54195 times, I live in a small village of about 2,500 people. The location of this village is between the coast and the Sine-Saloum Delta making it quite picturesque and unbelievably tranquil. However, as beautiful as it may be down here, I’m not sure this community is necessarily “in need” of a Peace Corps volunteer. That might sound strange seeming as most people in the Western world hear Africa and immediately think of children dressed in rags, covered in flies, dirty and surrounded by utter poverty. I assure you that level of poverty does exist here (side rant, in a few of my packages I have received celebrity magazines. They’re fun to read but also make me kind of want to puke and shake these idiot famous people. I’m sitting here next to a child who wears the same dirty t-shirt every day, reading about the latest “it” person who spent $2,000 on a wallet. It’s disgusting) but for the most part my village seems to know what they’re doing, they've had Peace Corps volunteers down here for the last 10 years.

You see, there is a sort of application process for requesting a Peace Corps volunteer in your village or town. I believe the main qualifications are that there is sufficient work and needs to be fulfilled in order to legitimize the necessity of a volunteer in the site. We also “graduate” from sites when we feel like they can take things over on their own, this obviously being a great thing as the goal of Peace Corps work is sustainability after we’re gone. Basically, we are not forcing aid upon communities. In my case, there was a locally established campement (small hotel) that needed help with business formalization, marketing, staff training, etc. I was placed here because of my international business background as well as previous experience working in a hotel that prided itself on environmentally friendly practices. Well. This all sounds fine and dandy which set my expectations significantly higher than they should have been. Each time I visited the campement for a progress update I was told, “Oh, it will be completely constructed next month!” Or, “By tourist season, we will be up and running and ready for your help.” Yeah these things weren't exactly accurate; it still remains tightly closed down. Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly come up with other ways to try and bide my time here (which I have talked about enough in previous posts, I’m sure); but, once school is out and tourist season is over, I couldn't really imagine what I would do down here. Therefore, I have been talking to my supervisors and other volunteers, trying to come up with the best solution.

Site changes are very rare and are usually only approved in serious situations; however, when I came to my supervisor complaining about a lack of work, he was more than understanding and has been working with me ever since then to figure out the best solution. Assuming I can find a suitable place to live, I will be moving to a bigger town in April. I’m slightly apprehensive. It’s just like when I was first installed into my village all over again. I will have to develop new routines, forge new friendships and integrate into a new community. There will be more harassment, less tranquility and just a new set of challenges. I’m also worried about the opinions of other volunteers. I know that I shouldn't be but as a community, other volunteers can be very judgmental. We have a tendency to constantly compare ourselves and there is this ongoing battle of who is “roughing” it more and having the “true Peace Corps experience.” Although, if people realize that I could have just relaxed on the beach for 2 years and I am choosing to move in order to have meaningful projects, I would hope that they would understand. Ultimately, I think it will be worth it.

While moving for work purposes is legitimate and all, I definitely am not prepared for how difficult it is going to be to leave Palmarin. I have started telling the people that I am closest to in the community and their reactions have been overwhelming. The artisans I help with English are sad to see me go but said they have such a positive view of Americans and the Peace Corps now because of how nice and open I always was/am with them and the teacher I work with at the high school said they’ve seen a fair amount of volunteers come through Palmarin and I am the one who has tried the hardest with the school and that I always have such a positive attitude. It was really nice to hear and made me feel like, even though I was only down here for a little over 7 months, I made a positive impact.

Well that catches you up on that whole jazz. As usual, this post is probably going to veer off into me thinking that I’m being philosophical because, as I've said a thousand times before, I have WAY too much time to think here. Lately I've been thinking very retrospectively, going over a lot of the past relationships I've had in my life. Do you ever think about that one relationship where the timing was always off or those friendships that were shattered beyond repair? The family ties that you didn't work on hard enough and eventually let fade away. I've also been thinking a lot about the grudges that people continue to foster when, in reality, they’re only hurting themselves. We only have one life, what if we pushed someone or some opportunity aside that would have been better for us all along? What if we let something fester inside us forever instead of moving on and ultimately letting ourselves feel at peace? I like to believe that everything happens for a reason but that philosophy can sometimes feel like a cop out when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to. I'm going to lighten the mood a little by inserting a beautiful picture of the sunrise this morning from my backyard. 

Now, back to it. Thinking like this is partly stemming from catching up with friends and family back home. I am constantly seeing friends who are getting into new relationships, starting families, going to grad school, getting great jobs and just moving forward in their lives. I hate that sometimes here I’m just willing time to pass quickly so that I can get to that point in my life. My parents always tell me that I don’t realize how fast time truly does go but I think that I do. It’s just that life can feel so stagnant here. What is the meaning of life anyway? Is it to find one, great, epic love? Is it to have a meaningful career? Is it to help those that were born less fortunate than you are? Is it to see the beauty of nature and explore the world? Is the meaning of life to be remembered for something, to be famous? I feel like the wisest answer to that question is that the meaning of life is to be happy and fulfilled. But, how do you achieve that contentment? A part of me is grateful that I have so much time on my hands to be able to reflect and think about what I want out of life. The problem with that, again, is that it’s too much time. I over-think everything and end up second guessing all of my major life’s decisions. I guess all that I can really hope for is to successfully complete this step of my life by setting a good example for the people of Senegal and for my friends and family back home. I’m also going to continue enjoying the simplicity and beauty of the environment that surrounds me here. As my parents have always said, all of that other stuff will work itself out the way it’s meant to.

Until next time then,

xx

Man, I feel like a woman

Where oh where to begin?!  I guess I’ll start with my most recent project that I completed. The International School of Dakar came down to Palmarin for a week long science field trip and we had a blast. My role in the project was basically to serve as the trip organizer/tour guide. I planned out everything from where they were staying, to their activities, to every meal that they ate. In total there were 16 kids, 3 Peace Corps volunteers, 2 teachers from the school and one school counselor. I was expecting 16 spoiled American brats and I was absolutely proven wrong. These kids were from all over the world and had parents working in very prestigious positions (helloooo Mr. Ambassador). They were respectful, open-minded and eager to learn. There is a certain naivety with kids who are raised in the international world. They are much more dependent on their parents and therefore they respect them more. These kids were 15-16 years old and still had their innocence, imagine that! Kids that age in America are often times incredibly disrespectful, are beginning to get into things that they shouldn't and think they have to grow up much quicker than they should. There is certainly something to be said for kids raised this way and, if I have the opportunity, I would love for my kids to be raised with that worldly perspective.

The week consisted of fish dissections, star-gazing, visiting an African market, hearing from a local historian, hyena watching (we didn’t see one but did see an amazing sunset), soccer games, swimming, kayaking, walks through the mangroves, fishing, and eating in local villagers’ homes. The goals of the trip were to encourage interaction between the students and local Senegalese, to give back to the community of Palmarin and also to learn some scientific stuff along the way. The project was a success in every aspect. I found myself feeling nostalgic for the good old days of school. I am a huge nerd and actually love to learn so I was right there in the circle of kids whenever one of the teachers had something interesting to tell us. I’m really looking forward to planning the trip next year and further fostering a relationship with the school.  

Shortly after sending the kids off, it was time for the Peace Corps All-Volunteer Conference.  This doesn’t just mean volunteers from all sectors in Senegal but also Peace Corps volunteers from all over West Africa. We had two days chalk full of informative sessions, project ideas and good times. Some of my favorite sessions had to be learning how to properly execute a mangroves reforestation, the components needed to start a school garden and also a whole new youth entrepreneurship program. After the work, a different kind of fun began. Friday night kicked off with volunteers showcasing their skills. We had someone joggling (jogging + juggling), a few guitarists, singers and even a dance troupe that included yours truly. You see, there is kind of a bias against CED (my program) volunteers. No one thinks that we know how to have any fun because we are typically more uptight, type-A personality people. We definitely proved that opinion wrong by dancing to a mash-up that included MC Hammer, Beyonce, Mackelmore, Vanilla Ice and more. We only had two days to choreograph our moves and it was still a raging success. I don’t even know how many people came up to me and told me how much more respect they had for not only me but the CED program.

The next day was the kick-off for two days of WAIST (West African Invitational Softball Tournament). In previous years this tournament involved Peace Corps volunteers from all over West Africa playing softball games against US Marines, US Embassy employees, NGO employees and other expatriates living in Senegal. This year the Peace Corps was given our own field to just play against each other. The reason for this being that most volunteers use this time together as more of a social event rather than a serious competition. Most of us tend to prefer having a beer in our softball mitt and running around dressed up in costumes (my region dressed as Greek Gods/Goddesses and other regions were super heroes/super villains, geriatrics, pre-historic era and high school stereotypes) rather than having an intense game. We had too much fun. Some highlights of the games included one player sitting on the shoulders of another while pitching the ball, our country director hitting one grand slam after another, random break-outs of the national anthem while saluting the volunteer dressed as Captain America and the volunteer who was running bases while singing and playing his guitar. Good times.

I’d say another highlight of the WAIST weekend was the massive hair makeover that myself and one of my good friends in country, Kelly, undertook. My uncle is going through treatment for lymphoma for the fourth time and it breaks my heart to hear about the pain he is in. I decided that I wanted to do some type of fundraiser in light of his situation. I set up a page with the Lymphoma Research Foundation and set a goal with the promise that Kelly and I would shave our heads if the goal was met. Well, it was met within hours. The thing is I've always wanted to shave my head. It has been on my bucket list forever because I simply couldn't think of a more liberating feeling for a woman. It’s also quite hot living in Africa and my hair was long enough to donate to locks of love so it fulfilled many purposes! The actual cutting was quite an experience. In true Peace Corps style our tools used were two dull razor blades and a beard trimmer. We tied off our hair in sections and started sawing away. My hair is incredibly thick and curly so it was quite painful but oh so worth it. After a little clean-up the next day, I was left with the fuzzy head of an adolescent boy. I am shocked actually at the lack of panic I had throughout the whole endeavor. I cut all of my hair off, I now have a buzzed head and that’s the way it is. I can’t wait for my village to see it for the first time and also to see how it affects my life here in Senegal. Obviously I will be MUCH cooler but maybe people will mistake me for a man and I will get more respect? If all I get out of this is a decrease of marriage proposals, it will have been worth it.

Well, that basically catches you up on this crazy life I’m leading these days. I’m currently in Dakar on med hold due to some anxiety attacks I've had as of late. I think they are due to the uncertainty I have about my future here. I think I’m to the point where, no matter what, I want to finish my two years. I now just have to decide if moving perhaps to a bigger town with more work opportunities, but in turn more harassment, will truly be worth it. I will, of course, keep you all updated every step of the way.

Until next time,

xx

The Roundabout Way

I was reading through some of my old entries the other day and I think I’ve failed to talk about what actual work I’m doing here. That is, besides the work of everyday getting up and speaking/talking/thinking in several different languages while doing my best to integrate into a small African village (patting self on back, hehe). I have explained my program and the work that I am supposed to be doing but that has become different than reality. Yes, I am still a community economic development (CED, acronyms, love them) volunteer but I live in a village meaning my projects are not quite on the same scale as other CED volunteers. My primary sector was supposed to be eco-tourism but the main hotel I was going to work with is having issues with financing and it is unfortunately more than I could hope to write a grant for. Key words used being supposed. Therefore, I have begun to forge my own way and discover different outlets for better utilizing my time here. My last post was a bit despondent and I’m going to try my best to not go to that place again. I think I was still in shock with my parents leaving and getting back to my village. It was almost like leaving Utah all over again except the first time I was at least excited and unaware of what I was facing. Anyway, I currently have a few things going on that are keeping me… somewhat occupied; busy is too strong of a word.

I have started an informal English class with some artists. My class consists of 5 full grown men who make and try to sell artwork, dresses, little statues, jewelry and other stuff to tourists. They want to learn English so that they can increase their client base. I have never taught English before or anything really, so this has been an interesting process. The first class I proceeded to just try my best to gauge their various levels and the most successful way I could go about teaching them. Each week is a learning experience but so far they have been very receptive and seem truly appreciative of the time that I’m spending with them. Another project that I have is an English/Environmental Club at the middle/high school. We have only met a couple of times and each time the number increases slightly (I’m up to 5 kids now…). The purpose of the club is simply for the kids to have a place to play games, review lessons and practice speaking English outside of school. I am going to do my best to implement projects such as learning how to compost and starting a school garden to make them more environmentally conscious. That sounds so boring when I write it out like that… I promise that we have fun too. This week we are reviewing body parts and playing Simon Says, talk about a good time!

The final larger project that I am working on is teaching a course called Junior Achievement at the elementary schools in my village. Junior Achievement is, “an organization dedicated to the education of students on the knowledge of the economy and business. The goal of Junior Achievement is to inspire and prepare the youth for success.” It’s also about getting kids thinking about their future and possible career paths they might want to pursue. My class is about 25 kids between the ages of 9 and 14. Kids here all start school at different ages depending on when their parents let them go and/or can afford it. I think this also depends on how much their French improves as time goes on. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m teaching this completely in French? Good thing I’m at about the same language level as these kids. A highlight of my first lesson was when I proposed the question of what these kids wanted to be when they grow up. No one ever asks them something like that. Most kids weren’t even sure how to respond but I had one who was confident and quick in his response. I thought that he said a doctor; turns out he wants to be a wrestler, classic mix-up.

Along with the previously mentioned projects I’m working on some smaller scale things such as trying to formulate a grant for a possible youth center to be built in my village and I’m also serving as a co-coordinator for my work zone. This basically means that I am in charge of possible cross-sector collaborative work, projects and the facilitation of these things. Soooo if you’re still reading this, that pretty much catches you up on all of my wordy work-related info.

Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling real philosophical and thinking a lot about fate and how crucial of a role that timing plays in our lives. This might be largely due to reading some interesting books and possibly also due to the fact that every time I log into Facebook it seems like someone else is getting engaged or some other life changing event. Is there something in the water over there in good old America? It’s pretty crazy though to sit and wonder where I might be and what I’d be doing if this Peace Corps thing wouldn’t have worked out. I know this experience is going to shape the rest of my life, how could it not? The question is how much is it going to shape?

At times I find myself jealous of the normality that I see every day following other peoples’ lives. Did they have to get up this morning and heat a pot of water to make their bucket bath lukewarm? Do they have to think through almost everything they say, before they say it, but then still walk away after conversations with a dumb-founded look on their faces? Do they have to constantly prove their worth being a woman living in a male-dominated, chauvinistic society? Yes, I chose this, and most days I’m happy about my decision. My fear though, is what if I’m never going to be content settling down? Most of my life has been spent chasing after the next adventure. What am I really searching for?

I wonder how much will and won’t have changed by the time I come back home. I wonder how much I will have changed. I already find myself flabbergasted by some of the things that used to seem so important. I don’t think I was ever that concerned with make-up, fancy clothes or stuff like that but here, I don’t even own a mirror. I guess all I can really hope for is that one day I will look back and be proud of the decisions that I made and the person that I’ve become. Right now, I can’t help but feel like I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. Sure, sometimes it’s really hard to see the normalcy of other peoples’ lives but maybe my life wasn’t meant to follow that “normal” path.

I suppose I’ll end this post by saying that I am not accusing anyone of living a lesser life, or a better one, than anyone else. I think we all feel where our paths are leading us and some of us are maybe just taking a more roundabout way. I also realize that not everyone has had the opportunities that I have had to be able to follow my adventurous itch and for that, as I’ve stated many times before, I am incredibly grateful.

Until next time,

xx

Take that, Mayans!

Well. It’s officially January 2013 and we’re all still here! The world didn’t end after all. The funny thing is how little attention I paid to that nonsense until Senegalese people started asking me about it. I should have realized they are a suspicious bunch in general but the fact that even people in my small village had heard about this had me slightly on edge that fateful day. But, alas, here we all are.

After the apocalyptic scare (silly Mayans) I was able to kick back and enjoy the holidays. Christmas Eve and Day were spent with my good friends from my training group simply enjoying one another. I have always thought Christmas was incredibly commercialized and materialistic and that thought was further confirmed this holiday season. There was no enormous, lavishly decorated Christmas tree surrounded by hundreds of presents that no one really needs. There was no mad dash to the mall and ensuing stampede to find that perfect gift. There was, simply put, love. Christmas Eve was full of laughs, great food and each other’s company. Downtown Dakar (where we spent most of our time) was even decorated with beautiful lights. Christmas Day was spent playing a round of white elephant (I came away with a blow-up santa, score!) and exchanging our secret Santa gifts. We put a $10 limit on purchases and yet each was heartfelt and perfect for the recipient. I personally received a beautiful scarf and candle for my room. The rest of the day was spent in anticipation of my parents and sister visiting!

Time with the Griswolds, I mean the Goellers, commenced a day after Christmas as 3 haggled and jet- lagged Americans made their way through the airport in Dakar. The first challenge was my poor dad being hassled and charged way more for assistance with his luggage than he should have been. This was shortly followed by my mom realizing that she had left an entire suitcase full of goodies for me behind (she felt so awful). This was momentarily devastating but the moment passed quickly when I realized how incredibly excited I was to finally have my family around me again! Those of you who read this blog probably also are friends with me on Facebook so I won’t go into too much painstaking detail about their visit as I documented every moment with about 4819043 photos. The short version is that the time with my family was unbelievable. I was treated to fantastic comforts such as hot showers, nice meals, soft, clean (okay, good smelling, I do wash my stuff believe it or not but it never gets that Tide smell) towels, carpet, refrigerated drinks, wireless internet, air-conditioning, etc... Quick side note, you don’t realize how much you really miss stuff like that until you go so long without it. We met a fantastic German family on our voyages and spent a fair amount of time with them. Something Sara (the woman of the family) said to me really struck me. She mentioned how excited she was to get home and just have a really long, hot shower. This is completely understandable and I realized that I do that exact same thing. Instead of thinking, “Hmm there are people who don’t even have hot water, perhaps I should really limit my consumption;” we end up thinking, “Oh boy this is nice, how I’ve missed it, and I’m never getting out!” This issue of over-indulgence after experiencing impoverished situations is something I’ve discussed several times with fellow volunteers and we’re still not sure what can be done about it.

Okay, side note over. These things were great but even better than all of that luxury was the resiliency and ability of my family to throw themselves into such new, uncomfortable situations and also just having them here. The feeling of being around all of them again is indescribable. I’m sure anyone who has gone a significant amount of time being away from their family can understand what I’m talking about. There’s a feeling you get that is purely unique to family. It’s that feeling of warmth, comfort, familiarity, and being where you belong, home. As great as it was having them here, it really just hit me again how much I truly missed them. Highlights of the visit definitely included my dad’s bizarre humor. Literally every person that we met loved him and couldn't get enough of him, even though no one really understood each other completely. My cute sister playing with my host family and trying her best to learn greetings so that she could communicate with people in my village. I think my mom was completely shocked at first just actually physically seeing where and how I live (which is more than understandable) but ultimately she was such a trooper and her and my father were more than generous with my family, other volunteers, and friends in my village.

New Year’s Eve was rather strange but ultimately the best New Year’s that I've ever had. We were served an amazing dinner of barracuda (yup, you read that right, it was surprisingly good, just had to look out for the teeth) lobster, and other treats. After dinner there was plenty of authentic Senegalese entertainment such as women singing, wrestling, witch doctors and a dance circle to boot! The evening wrapped up with midnight rolling around and everyone kissing our cheeks and wishing us Bonne Annee and Bonne Sante (Happy Year and Good Health). Their trip finished up with some gorgeous beach days and a tearful departure the night of January 3^rd. Shout-out to my parents (and Jack) for a big THANK YOU again for everything.

Now that my family has come and gone it’s hard to say exactly how I’m feeling about my decision to be here. In the past few days since they have left I’ve been thinking a lot about the complexity of human emotions. Sitting in front of my house watching the chickens (yeah, I get bored a lot here), I began to experience a strange emotion… I was sort of jealous of them. Here I am, sitting around constantly analyzing every little thing, critiquing myself and my decisions, and basically putting loads of pressure on myself wondering what I’m truly doing here in Senegal; and then there are the chickens, perfectly content if they just have something to eat and a place to crap. Perhaps I should learn something from them.

Among my standard worries regarding life decisions I was experiencing another round of Peace Corps guilt. This is a phenomenon any volunteer is familiar with and it’s time I explained it a little bit.  You see, most of us are constantly worrying about things such as:

• Am I spending enough time in site?
• Those of us that live in a house with family are always wondering am I present enough in my family? What do they really think of me? Is there more I can be doing to help them?
• Am I studying the language enough? (Probably not…)
• Then there are those lovely feelings of self-doubt, are my project ideas good enough? Why don’t I have more project ideas? Shouldn't people constantly be approaching me with ideas? Why is no one approaching me? Am I not approachable? Why am I here?

This Peace Corps guilt is so powerful it even often extends to the families of volunteers. They are so worried that their child is in such a strange situation that they feel almost crippled by it. There is an immense amount of energy, money and time spent in trying to make the volunteer feel comforted and comfortable when ultimately all any parent truly wants to say is, “Come home.”

I guess lately I’m just wrestling with the part of myself that wants to go home. Yup, that part of me is alive and kicking. I know that ultimately I would get back to Utah and be happy with family, friends, comforts, good food, etc. for about a month. Then I think I would most likely freak out, wonder why I had left my dream and fret about what in the hell I was going to do next. For long as I can remember I wanted to join the Peace Corps and make a difference. This is why I can’t throw in the towel; at least, not quite yet. In my heart, I know that I can try harder. But at the same time I need to cut myself some slack. I have been told by many people that simply being here and showing that Americans care are fulfilling the first two goals of Peace Corps. Now I just need to dig deeper into my community and find out where I can truly help them. In the meantime, I’m going to focus on quieting my mind and finding contentment here. Just like the chickens seem to do so well.

Until next time,

xx

What's a sept-place?

I know what you’re thinking…another post already?! Must be Christmas early or something! I guess I feel like I have some making up to do for being such a slacker the entire month of October. In a previous post I promised to talk about the joys of public transportation in this country so I figured there is no time like the present! Now, I’m not very savvy on how transportation works in other developing countries so perhaps it is like this everywhere, or even worse; this is simply the experience that I have had so far.

In order to get anywhere in Senegal the first place you need to go is the local garage. This is fine unless you’re in a town or village that doesn’t have a garage. If this is the case then you need to basically hitchhike, walk, ride in an animal drawn buggy or take whatever form of transportation that is available to the nearest garage. It’s when you get the garage that the real fun starts. First of all, you will be hit with a plethora of different, interesting aromas. These can range anywhere from sweat, feces (human and animal), to different foods and decaying trash all mixing together. These smells are pretty typical throughout Senegal but they seem to be compounded at the garage. Along with the odors you are also going to experience people shouting at you in several different languages trying to figure out where you’re headed. Some of these people may be helpful but they are mostly trying to rip you off.

Travel tip number 1: When at the garage, handle your own bags. The minute you give them over to someone else to help you, they have become your bellhop and you are expected to pay them. This may seem obvious but sometimes they may have literally put your bag in the backseat of the car so just keep track of your own things.

After you finally locate the area of the garage where you can find your destination you have to decide which form of transportation you are going to take. There’s the more expensive, posh option that is designated as the sept-place. This is basically an old station wagon that has an extra set of seats in the trunk space in order to fit seven, or sept, passengers comfortably inside. I use the term comfortably loosely as the majority of the time you are nestled in there between two other people and I’ve even heard stories of livestock being crammed in as well; but, as far as the transportation choices go, sept-places are the cream of the crop. There are also alhums (medium-sized buses), mini-buses and the popular, but deadly, night buses. Once you determine your vessel there will be a man shouting at you, “Pass, pass!” This is not your driver or even the man who will start the car, this is simply who you will pay for your fare. Usually they will try to charge you for whatever baggage you have as well. Unless you carry your items on your lap, you’ll probably end up paying extra for it.

Travel tip number 2: Travel LIGHT. I’m talking wear the same thing 4 days in a row light to avoid having to deal with extra fees for baggage. As Peace Corps volunteers we typically don’t change up our wardrobe too much anyway so this tip is more for you people who still care about your general appearance. This tip always goes for traveling light regarding your money as well. Try to have as small of bills as possible so that getting change is not an issue as it is always an issue in this country.

Alright so now you’ve paid and you’re probably being herded into the car. In some garages you’re issued a seat number so there is no negotiating where you will be but in other garages it is first come, first served and the fight for a good seat can get pretty brutal.

Travel tip number 3: In a sept-place, always try for the front seat first. Good luck, I have yet to sit there and I’ve been here for 6 months. Most likely the front seat will be impossible so then you should attempt to sit in the middle row near a window. The back row is your last resort but if there are no other options, at least try for one of the sides so that you have something besides a person or a goat to lean against. If you're lucky enough to be traveling with fellow volunteers, at least you'll have each other to lean/sweat on (see pics below).

Once you’re seated you will probably check out the car and hopefully it has a floor, doors that properly shut and windows that roll down. If you’re looking for a seat-belt then you have forgotten where you are! Bring yourself back to Senegal and rest assured that you’re packed in so tightly that you’ll probably be fine in the event of a problem. When all of the passengers have arrived, and this part of the process can take hours as the car will not leave until each place is filled, someone will come and start the car. And by start the car I mean he will steer while a bunch of other guys push it in order to push-start the vehicle. You might think that you’d be on your way but this is when your driver finally arrives. You will be lucky if he looks a day over 14. He usually will drive you over to the gas station, a step that would probably make more sense before getting passengers, and then you’re off!

Did I mention that during this entire process you are probably dripping sweat, have people shouting in your face, coughing on you, shoving you and also trying to sell you all sorts of crap? Some of what they’re selling makes sense like water, snacks, and tissues but then there’s that guy selling a live bird or a pamphlet on karate. I just want to know, who is actually buying this stuff? You also have a more difficult situation of beggars, as young as 5 year-old children trying to solicit money and food from you.

Such are the joys of traveling in a developing country. One way I know that I’m becoming more integrated is how much less bothered I am by traveling here. When I first saw the garage, I remember thinking that I will never leave my village. Now, it’s just a matter of knowing a few words in the local lingo to get where I want to go and to not pay more than I should to make the trip.

On top of integrating in the transportation realm I am feeling much better in my village as well. I’m not going to sugarcoat it here; my first few months at site were incredibly tough. Not to bum you guys out or anything but there were a few mornings that I woke up and just had to cry a little. I mean I usually would pull myself together, snap out of it and get on with my day but life in the Peace Corps is no joke. They really weren’t kidding when they said it is the toughest job you will ever love. I’m sure I’ve talked plenty about why it is so tough so I won’t bore you with that again. Of course, the language becoming a little easier and people becoming more familiar with me has helped but I’ve also developed some strategies that get me through those rough days.

I have this new game I play where I make up what people are saying to each other. You see, 90% of my interactions are in a group of people that I don’t understand what is going on; therefore, if I just make up conversations they could be having, everyone wins! I am entertained and they just think I’m even crazier than they already did when I bust up laughing at my imaginary conversations. Along the lines of people thinking I’m strange, I’ve been known to sing greetings at people. Greetings are very important in West African culture so you have to know what to say to people and, in Serer culture, the proper time of day to say these things. I have found that even if I don’t know exactly what I’m saying, if I say it in a high sing-songy, happy way they either think it’s cute or that I’m just a little strange and those are better than thinking I’m an idiot for saying good morning when it’s 6 PM. This is getting better as I learn more but it was for sure a coping strategy in those early days.

This has been ridiculously long so I’ll wrap it up with one final point. This might seem obvious but I have learned that I can’t expect every, or even most, interactions to be a positive experience. Some days I will go from having the best conversation with someone to another person literally bringing me to the verge of tears. Some of the best advice I have learned to heed is to be patient, observe, listen, smile, shake it off and most importantly, laugh. Peace Corps is certainly no joke but there’s no way I’d make it through if I couldn’t laugh it off.

Until next time,

xx